My 2010 new year's resolution was to blog daily. As to why, I'm not quite sure, but I suspect it's partly due to sentimentality (the girls aren't getting any younger) and my need to document what made our days something other than merely surviving. Sadly raising a 4 year old (not in preschool) and a 16 month old, from morning to night, often spares no time for anything other than thoughts of survival. 2 mouths fed X 3 times a day = 6 battles; negotiation; surrender. diapers are changed approximately 10-12 times a day. butts are still wiped at the potty. nursing. nap times. resist temptation to plop them in front of the tv from 9am - 5pm. 2 minute showers. attempt craft activity w/ K only to have S shove buttons in her mouth. get girls dressed to go outside --> [(shirt + pants + socks + jacket + hairclip = S) + (dress + stockings + jacket + hairclip = K)]. run back upstairs to get myself dressed. hear crying from downstairs and run back down, half-dressed. then must pack snacks, water. diapers. keys. iphone. dang, where's my iphone??? once in the car, S, never missing her cue, starts writhing and screaming. turn the dial frantically on the cd player to find itsy bitsy spider. then baa baa black sheep. must sing along. must sound happy, relaxed. must not do psychic damage to the girls. and stop speeding already.
The thing is, even though I yell at J from time to time that motherhood is dehumanizing (come on, 2 minute showers?) and I am often aghast at how incoherent and absent-minded and a enormous nag I am about everything, I understand that I am the luckiest woman alive to be raising these girls. They are magic to me. I've found my pot at the end of the rainbow. It is truly as if I knew them before I birthed them. I supposed that's because when you grow a life inside of you for 9 months, they not only inherit your genes, but a good chunk of your soul. Anyway, there is no doubt in my mind that motherhood is the greatest adventure a woman can embark upon as she is making herself vulnerable to unspeakable grief and yet opening her heart to boundless joy. It is not my place to know why I am so blessed with these girls; rather I can only give thanks daily to God for them.