Mermaids!

K has been fixated with mermaids lately...no doubt due to one red-headed disney princess. So we went to work with some wooden clothespins, felt, wool roving and paint.

Ariel!

Joy

You think you are a cynic. And then you birth children. They in turn teach you to understand true joy, every day, in every moment, spontaneously and without reservation.

Power struggles

After nearly 4 1/2 years, I can confidently, and with utter dismay, say that K and I are co-existing, on a daily basis, in the realm of Power Struggles. And I must also confess that I've been dealing with K's ever-growing sense of self and identity completely irresponsibly. It's AMAZING that as much as I resent how my parents disciplined me, I am perversely taking the same approach with K. It was only after I read the following article that I realized just how coercive I have been in trying to mold K into the perfectly good daughter: http://www.montessori.org/story.php?id=270. I hope to read this every morning to remind myself of the following uber important things when it comes to disciplining my first born:

1) LOVE her. In every conceivable and wildly imaginative way. Spend WAY more time telling and showing her how much I love and value and respect her than in communicating negative things.

2) Remember that misbehavior is not random or meaningless but it is communicating something. I need to understand why K is misbehaving and help her to understand it herself.

3) Give K opportunities to feel empowered so that she doesn't try to grasp for power in our relationship (i.e. give her reasonable choices).

4) Have fun and smile and laugh, even when times are difficult and stressful. Enjoy my daughter, to whom I owe so much of my soul's inspiration and delight.

Finally, the summer dresses

My daughters. Total hams. Love them so much it hurts.

The fabric - I bought back in spring 2008, dreaming of simple summer tunics for K while still preggo w/ S. It's japanese double gauze cotton from Nano Iro by Naomi Ito and feels like fairy wings w/ a layer of angel's breath. Sigh.

Easter 2010

Prayer before Bible lesson

Pink hostess snowflake, ie. Jesus' tomb.

On the hunt for eggs

Frozen yogurt at Tutti Fruitti. A new Easter tradition?

Whole wheat dark chocolate chip pancakes

Same recipe as the blueberry, but substituted with whole wheat flour and chocolate.

The only downside is that the girls are limited to 3 pancakes each (well 1 for S) lest they eat themselves into caffeine overload. And yes, the chocolate is still warm and gooey and melts in your mouth and makes you entirely forget that it is enrobed in whole wheat flour.

Why I blog

My 2010 new year's resolution was to blog daily. As to why, I'm not quite sure, but I suspect it's partly due to sentimentality (the girls aren't getting any younger) and my need to document what made our days something other than merely surviving. Sadly raising a 4 year old (not in preschool) and a 16 month old, from morning to night, often spares no time for anything other than thoughts of survival. 2 mouths fed X 3 times a day = 6 battles; negotiation; surrender. diapers are changed approximately 10-12 times a day. butts are still wiped at the potty. nursing. nap times. resist temptation to plop them in front of the tv from 9am - 5pm. 2 minute showers. attempt craft activity w/ K only to have S shove buttons in her mouth. get girls dressed to go outside --> [(shirt + pants + socks + jacket + hairclip = S) + (dress + stockings + jacket + hairclip = K)]. run back upstairs to get myself dressed. hear crying from downstairs and run back down, half-dressed. then must pack snacks, water. diapers. keys. iphone. dang, where's my iphone??? once in the car, S, never missing her cue, starts writhing and screaming. turn the dial frantically on the cd player to find itsy bitsy spider. then baa baa black sheep. must sing along. must sound happy, relaxed. must not do psychic damage to the girls. and stop speeding already.

The thing is, even though I yell at J from time to time that motherhood is dehumanizing (come on, 2 minute showers?) and I am often aghast at how incoherent and absent-minded and a enormous nag I am about everything, I understand that I am the luckiest woman alive to be raising these girls. They are magic to me. I've found my pot at the end of the rainbow. It is truly as if I knew them before I birthed them. I supposed that's because when you grow a life inside of you for 9 months, they not only inherit your genes, but a good chunk of your soul. Anyway, there is no doubt in my mind that motherhood is the greatest adventure a woman can embark upon as she is making herself vulnerable to unspeakable grief and yet opening her heart to boundless joy. It is not my place to know why I am so blessed with these girls; rather I can only give thanks daily to God for them.