Power struggles

After nearly 4 1/2 years, I can confidently, and with utter dismay, say that K and I are co-existing, on a daily basis, in the realm of Power Struggles. And I must also confess that I've been dealing with K's ever-growing sense of self and identity completely irresponsibly. It's AMAZING that as much as I resent how my parents disciplined me, I am perversely taking the same approach with K. It was only after I read the following article that I realized just how coercive I have been in trying to mold K into the perfectly good daughter: http://www.montessori.org/story.php?id=270. I hope to read this every morning to remind myself of the following uber important things when it comes to disciplining my first born:

1) LOVE her. In every conceivable and wildly imaginative way. Spend WAY more time telling and showing her how much I love and value and respect her than in communicating negative things.

2) Remember that misbehavior is not random or meaningless but it is communicating something. I need to understand why K is misbehaving and help her to understand it herself.

3) Give K opportunities to feel empowered so that she doesn't try to grasp for power in our relationship (i.e. give her reasonable choices).

4) Have fun and smile and laugh, even when times are difficult and stressful. Enjoy my daughter, to whom I owe so much of my soul's inspiration and delight.