love + whimsy

If I blog, will time bend to my will??

2011-05-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

Time is moving at a terrifyingly fast pace. We've been in NJ nearly 7.5 months and I have approximately 1348 pictures to show for it but I've processed nothing that has happened within that span of time. It's challenging to take the time to really absorb all the wonders of your child's mental and emotional growth when you are yourself on the brink of mental and emotional breakdown and you are operating in survival mode. But tra la la la, why allow the boring realities of adults hamper the nonstop fun of children.

I am hoping that if I, for the umpteenth time, make an effort to document my days with the girls, time will slow for me. I will linger over each day's details in the evening and relive it all and time will not progress linerally but will do a few loopy loops as I refuse to move forward until I have revisited the past.

A (rare) family pic on K's 5th birthday.

A girl has got to eat!

2010-11-01T21:43:00.001-07:00

First homemade meal in our (kinda) new home!

Why moving is less fun than a simultaneous root canal + colicky newborn + worst hair day of your life

2010-11-01T21:35:00.000-07:00

The pictures speak for themselves.

Nordstrom, aka dress up corner

2010-10-26T19:51:00.000-07:00

Diva!! And a diva-in-training. Adolescence should be fun, gulp.

Mermaids!

2010-08-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

K has been fixated with mermaids lately...no doubt due to one red-headed disney princess. So we went to work with some wooden clothespins, felt, wool roving and paint.

Ariel!

Joy

2010-08-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

You think you are a cynic. And then you birth children. They in turn teach you to understand true joy, every day, in every moment, spontaneously and without reservation.

Power struggles

2010-08-09T20:28:00.000-07:00

After nearly 4 1/2 years, I can confidently, and with utter dismay, say that K and I are co-existing, on a daily basis, in the realm of Power Struggles. And I must also confess that I've been dealing with K's ever-growing sense of self and identity completely irresponsibly. It's AMAZING that as much as I resent how my parents disciplined me, I am perversely taking the same approach with K. It was only after I read the following article that I realized just how coercive I have been in trying to mold K into the perfectly good daughter: http://www.montessori.org/story.php?id=270. I hope to read this every morning to remind myself of the following uber important things when it comes to disciplining my first born:

1) LOVE her. In every conceivable and wildly imaginative way. Spend WAY more time telling and showing her how much I love and value and respect her than in communicating negative things.

2) Remember that misbehavior is not random or meaningless but it is communicating something. I need to understand why K is misbehaving and help her to understand it herself.

3) Give K opportunities to feel empowered so that she doesn't try to grasp for power in our relationship (i.e. give her reasonable choices).

4) Have fun and smile and laugh, even when times are difficult and stressful. Enjoy my daughter, to whom I owe so much of my soul's inspiration and delight.

Finally, the summer dresses

2010-07-19T22:40:00.000-07:00

My daughters. Total hams. Love them so much it hurts.

The fabric - I bought back in spring 2008, dreaming of simple summer tunics for K while still preggo w/ S. It's japanese double gauze cotton from Nano Iro by Naomi Ito and feels like fairy wings w/ a layer of angel's breath. Sigh.

Easter 2010

2010-04-04T20:51:00.000-07:00

Prayer before Bible lesson

Pink hostess snowflake, ie. Jesus' tomb.

On the hunt for eggs

Frozen yogurt at Tutti Fruitti. A new Easter tradition?

Whole wheat dark chocolate chip pancakes

2010-04-03T21:58:00.000-07:00

Same recipe as the blueberry, but substituted with whole wheat flour and chocolate.

The only downside is that the girls are limited to 3 pancakes each (well 1 for S) lest they eat themselves into caffeine overload. And yes, the chocolate is still warm and gooey and melts in your mouth and makes you entirely forget that it is enrobed in whole wheat flour.

Why I blog

2010-03-30T19:42:00.001-07:00

My 2010 new year's resolution was to blog daily. As to why, I'm not quite sure, but I suspect it's partly due to sentimentality (the girls aren't getting any younger) and my need to document what made our days something other than merely surviving. Sadly raising a 4 year old (not in preschool) and a 16 month old, from morning to night, often spares no time for anything other than thoughts of survival. 2 mouths fed X 3 times a day = 6 battles; negotiation; surrender. diapers are changed approximately 10-12 times a day. butts are still wiped at the potty. nursing. nap times. resist temptation to plop them in front of the tv from 9am - 5pm. 2 minute showers. attempt craft activity w/ K only to have S shove buttons in her mouth. get girls dressed to go outside --> [(shirt + pants + socks + jacket + hairclip = S) + (dress + stockings + jacket + hairclip = K)]. run back upstairs to get myself dressed. hear crying from downstairs and run back down, half-dressed. then must pack snacks, water. diapers. keys. iphone. dang, where's my iphone??? once in the car, S, never missing her cue, starts writhing and screaming. turn the dial frantically on the cd player to find itsy bitsy spider. then baa baa black sheep. must sing along. must sound happy, relaxed. must not do psychic damage to the girls. and stop speeding already.

The thing is, even though I yell at J from time to time that motherhood is dehumanizing (come on, 2 minute showers?) and I am often aghast at how incoherent and absent-minded and a enormous nag I am about everything, I understand that I am the luckiest woman alive to be raising these girls. They are magic to me. I've found my pot at the end of the rainbow. It is truly as if I knew them before I birthed them. I supposed that's because when you grow a life inside of you for 9 months, they not only inherit your genes, but a good chunk of your soul. Anyway, there is no doubt in my mind that motherhood is the greatest adventure a woman can embark upon as she is making herself vulnerable to unspeakable grief and yet opening her heart to boundless joy. It is not my place to know why I am so blessed with these girls; rather I can only give thanks daily to God for them.

Pretend play

2010-03-25T19:29:00.001-07:00

There has been so much recent media coverage and public interest in the benefits of play for children's mental and emotional development. And the noncontroversial conclusion is this: idle, creative, unstructured, free play where a child engages all of her five sense in a three-dimensional world (by definition this excludes tv and online games), is a critical part of neurological growth and development. The temptation to overschedule one's child is strong for the modern parent because for most of us, our lives pre-children were on the fast-track to some goal (career or otherwise), meals eaten on the run or in the car, blackberries or pdas full of events, meetings, conferences, dinners, etc. So I could literally hear the brakes screeching and resisting when I had to slow down the clip clop pace of my life to the point where I had to be content just allowing the girls play. Every fiber of my being resists because I love schedules and plans and checklists and something tangible to hold up at the end of the day to show that my existence is not in vain. But of course the task of raising children bears no noticeable short term result (aside from their very survival day to day). And neither does the task of playing. But ever since I read this book and this one , I've become convinced that aside from being a loving and responsive mother, there is nothing more I can do for my young children then let them engage in open-ended play. And if that play involves princess dress-up...

...then I can slap together a princess dress-up corner. The mirror took 3 Ikea trips to score. The peg board was painted by K and myself with Benjamin Moore's newest line of zero VOC paint (Natura. love it! only needed one coat! and dried in under an hour.). The tree is inspired by a wallpaper tree I found online for - no joke - $119.95. I ended up spending $8.00 for 2 sheets of gift wrap that was used for the tree itself and $0 for the fabric scrap which makes up the leaves. Is there anything I love more than dirt cheap DIYs (aside from God and my family and dark chocolate and cheese and an really amazing bottle of Burgundy. oh and a night out with the girls where we drink lots of good champagne while dining on mussels. ah and catching a story on NPR that is so quirky and inspiring that it makes you laugh out loud out of the sheer joy you feel in knowing that the human spirit is indeed the most colorful and indestructible forces in the universe.)??? I digress. Cheap but pretty DIYs makes my world go round.

My only regret is that I didn't get a picture of K's face when she woke up one morning, came downstairs, and saw all of this. But she uses it daily and even more importantly, has finally acquired the habit of organizing and hanging up all her princess paraphernalia. I know. PRICELESS.

What what we eat 4 out of 7 days a week...

2010-03-23T20:12:00.001-07:00

Blueberry pancakes. Sometimes I'm low on blueberries because the girls decide they must have blueberries right. now. the moment I return home from the food market and the next morning I have to substitute dark chocolate chips. Recently I've been adding ground-up flax seeds, and yipee, no one noticed! I've tried whole wheat flour twice and the pancakes were noticeably denser and more cakey. But what does it matter - anything dipped in syrup tastes like candy.

Recipe found via one of my favorite crafty mommy blogs: http://angrychicken.typepad.com/angry_chicken/2007/10/recipe-cheat-sh.html. They take 15 minutes, prep + cook time. And they come out fluffy and perfect every time!

Fishes on a Saturday afternoon

2010-03-22T19:14:00.001-07:00

S's first trip to the aquarium where she is awake and not snoozing in the stroller...

Dolphins mama!

K's 4th birthday party, ie. princesspalooza

2010-03-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

Ah K, I know how deeply smitten you are with disney princesses, especially with one particular snoozing princess. And I know I can get you to eat steamed broccoli with promises of Disney world sometime in the remote future. And so imagine my happy amazement at your agreeing to have a 4th birthday party that involved not a drip drop of disney...

the birthday banner with illegible gold lettering (oops!)

colored by you, the birthday girl!

edible candy pearls. yum!

your favorite chocolate bars (kit kats, of course).

preparing for the princess show-down.

tissue paper flowers. 6 hours of folding and sewing. only for my own flesh and blood; you couldn't pay me enough.

favor bags for the fellow princesses.

the royal tea party table.

craft: build your own bling bag

tea time!

baby sister S gets in on the chocolate drizzled strawberry pops action.

blindfolding for the pin the tiara on the princess game.

a tie??

hugs all around!

wishing for more princess dresses??

the way a real princess eats a cupcake - with frosting shamelessly smeared on your nose.

S after bingeing on 5 chocolate strawberries and overdue for a nap by about 5 hours. where the after-party at?

our gracious princess. thanks for coming everyone!

Spring!!

2010-03-15T20:07:00.000-07:00

An entire week of being able to finally scamper about in the front yard without a coat!

I can't get enough of S - her personality is so vibrant. She really lives for the moment, this child. And she has such an emphatic response to being outdoors, which I think is common for most young children. That naive enthusiastic curious response to nature. S especially loves to chase down crunch leaves and step on them with vigor. I love nothing more than to peer out into the world through her eyes as she discovers everything for the first time. Much fun and wonder lay ahead...

Jae's baby shower

2010-03-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

Something extra special is necessary after having birthed two boys and finally hitting the jackpot with a girl...

modern paper dolls

A very close likeness to the original!

even the fruit fell in line with the shower color scheme

wishing tree for our dear mommy-to-be

Where I want to be in 20 years

2010-02-14T22:29:00.000-08:00

Pedaling a bicycle in YSL stilettos. Not a big fan of fur but I am swooning over those stockings. Profoundly inspiring. (via Jak and Jill)

Your pictures always looks better on someone else's blog

2010-02-11T20:29:00.000-08:00

Sigh, I could not resist.

http://partyperfectblog.blogspot.com/2010/01/first-birthday.html

Mondays: Painting together

2010-02-09T21:51:00.000-08:00

This is the girls painting together for the first time, just seconds before S decided to dump the cup of paint water all over the table. Love the kick in the pants to start another week. Yee haw!

Snow-maggedon 2010

2010-02-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

Media fear-mongering at its best. Snow-maggedon. Snow-colypse. We bought into all of it. In our panic, this is how we survived the worse snow fall since 1922 in Maryland (didn't leave the house for a record 2 1/2 days)....

The pepperidge farm golden orchard collection made its way into our shopping bags via J. He is undercover ah-juh-shee.

I'm sure I bought some real food but was unmotivated to pictures of rainbow swiss chard (S's favorite vegetable as of late - sauteed w/ garlic and olive oil).

And then there was the aftermath, in which the girls could not wait to play...

Rice + Snow = happy girls

2010-02-03T22:15:00.001-08:00

When J usually tells me he has to be away on business, I am likely to go find the remote control and wear it around my neck, like an amulet. The morning was rough, with K spilling a bowl of yogurt on the rug. And the afternoon was more the same, with K refusing to eat anything at the mall and treating me to a solid dose of whining. So imagine my surprise when 5:30pm rolled around and I realized we hadn't hit the TV power button on even once. In all my conceit to be supermom for the day, I offered the following alternatives:

Rice play (or rice clean-up)

Snow + Food coloring

I will likely have rice maggots in the morning and don't know if my girl's hands will ever return to their normal skin tone from hot pink and violent purple, but it's a relief to know that nick jr. on demand isn't the only way for a single mom to maintain her sanity on cold winter nights.

Sisters that paint together, stay together

2010-02-02T19:08:00.000-08:00

S couldn't believe that I finally handed her the forbidden paint brush and she was finally going to get her biggest break in life...she had so much to prove...

The pictures don't lie. S transferred more paint onto the paper than on her clothes and didn't stick the paintbrush into her mouth (not that I noticed anyway). Lovely!!

Sophie's first birthday

2010-02-01T20:58:00.000-08:00

Happy birthday Sophie ~ you have shown me the miracle of how a heart can expand and birth more love than it could have imagined...and all in the time it took for my eyes to rest upon your sweet face for the first time.

Fears about the future and more insecurities about motherood

2010-01-26T20:28:00.000-08:00

Ever since we pulled K out of preschool right before Christmas, I anticipated that there would be more K and mommy time. To the contrary, there's been less. Much less. When K was in preschool, I had a chance to miss her. And when I went to pick her up (granted a mere two hours since we had parted), I was all butterflies in the stomach to reunite with her and shower her with attention and affection. Now that K is at home around the clock, inevitably the quality of our interactions has decreased. After breakfast (which involves nonstop bargaining and nagging and outright threatening to get something nutritious into the girls) and after I put S down for her morning nap, I shower, come downstairs, and feel entitled to mentally veg. So K will either be watching the end tail of sesame street or coloring. Then once S wakes, we'll all go out for lunch w/ J. Where more nagging and threatening about eating takes place. Afterwards, the girls will nap (rarely at the same time - they instinctively know to wake once the other falls asleep) and then I am faced with the onslaught of indecision and anxiety (will the girls eat it????) in making preparations for dinner. By the time it occurs to me that I haven't read/crafted/played/made eye contact with K all day, it's time to eat dinner, give S a bath and put her down for the night. By the time S is asleep, it is, to my dismay, 10 pm. K is still awake but I'm done for the day. In fact, I completely shut down after this time and repeatedly tell her that mommy has to go savor her glass of wine now and agonize over my existence (perhaps not in those exact words).

If you were K, wouldn't you hate me and rebel at the first chance you had? I sure as hell would. Thus my fear at the wrath of adolescence to come...

me, here: trying to be a good mom...don't anyone be fooled...

Hopes for the new year...

2010-01-24T21:47:00.000-08:00

I am 25 days late in keeping my 2010 resolution to blog every day. And that's because for 25 days I sat down, logged in, saw that I had 8 months of blogging to catch up on, felt the air around me thinning and finding it progressively more difficult to breathe, i fled. I mean, where can I start? How about with today. Let's just start with today. After all, this blog is for my two girls (2 girls!!! Who would have thought it was possible. Or right. I don't deserve them. But that's for another blog post) and I need to capture as much of their childhood as possible in pictures and words and impressions before another day lapses...

So today it occurred to me that I just might have lucked out in marrying J (ha, j/k J - I've felt lucky every day! Or I should have anyway). He is, without exaggeration, an AMAZING dad to our two girls. He dances, sings, kisses, hugs, dramatizes, reads, engages in all kinds of silliness - there is simply no limit to what he will do K and S. He even lasts longer than I ever could at the Disney store and knows every princess tale by heart for K's benefit. When S recently developed a mild rash due to her ingestion of peanuts, he drove all of us to the local ER and we circled around for 2 hours in case she went into anaphylactic shock (at 9pm, Sunday, approximately 20 degrees outside). He will hold S when she wakes up crying from her naps, sometimes for over an hour, so that she'll go back to sleep. He will stay with K in her sunday school class for 2 hours and not care that he's always the only parent there.

Costo shopping with daddy (sorry, totally random pic but so cute how he used a burp cloth to protect S from scary Costco shopping cart germs)

Finally mobile!

2009-06-26T19:21:00.001-07:00

In the walker

And the beginnings of some sort of crawling motion

Yay, onward and upward S!

Let's go fly a kite

2009-06-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

Kite flying is such an essential part of childhood, no? Once K's kite really got stuck in a tree! Thought that only happened in comic strips.

Friday night feast: Paninis and Antipasti

2009-06-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

All recipes can be found in this inspiring and scrumptious book - http://www.amazon.com/Simple-Italian-Sandwiches-Americas-Favorite/dp/006059974X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1246068135&sr=8-1

Mmmm, roasted garlic, carmelized onions, pesto, grilled ciabatta - could eat like this every night and never tire of it. J, on the other hand, was in sore want of a slab of steak.

The beginnings of a spring wardrobe...

2009-05-09T21:19:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to sewing clothes for the girls. First up, an appliqued onesie and "capri" pants for S. K's summer dress in in the works. Considering what pitifully little time I actually have to sew because both girls have to be down for their nap at the same time, I project the dress will be

finished sometime around Thanksgiving 2010.

Links on the sidebar

2009-05-05T20:41:00.001-07:00

I've started adding links to my favorite online stores, resources and blogs on blog sidebar, as a reference for myself and others (yes, you, the two people that follow my blog besides my husband, and even he only checks in quarterly I think). This sidebar will grow exponentially once I get into the rhthym of posting all the links to things I think you might find helpful and interesting - they are all jumbled in my head at the moment.

I've also started this book and am a mere 286 pages away from becoming the perfect parent: http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/0380811960/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1241581718&sr=8-1. I laughed out loud when I realized, upon brief perusal, that the advice in this book would probably do more our marriage than for our parenting. Ha! Read it and ye shall understand.

This is terrible in all its randomness but I had to post this picture - I painted my kitchen backsplash a few weeks with a zero VOC paint from Yolo colourhouse. If you can believe it, it had nearly no odor, no harmful chemicals and no solvents (so no headaches for the wee ones, yay). Yolo has some great color palettes; the kitchen wall was painted in Sprout 01, which is a nontoxic washable paint created with concern for children in mind. This was my first time painting anything beside my nails so I'm stunned that it wasn't a complete disaster.

Is my Orla Kiely a la Target consumption too much to stomach??? This is not even a small fraction of it. The rest of it is stashed away in the pantry closet and scattered throughout the house so J doesn't realize I have a problem and make me return it all.

Monday morning

2009-05-04T20:33:00.000-07:00

Baking with K (she so loves to help me bake and I love her enthusiasm. I don't so much love all the flour and sugar that ends up on the floor.)

Chocolate chip walnut banana bread! The most moist and simple recipe ever (no mixer needed) - http://smittenkitchen.com/2006/11/speckled-for-the-freckled/.

K made this herself, nearly! I helped paint the hair, make holes in the dress for arms, and cut out the bag. K painted the face, picked the fabric, cut out the fabric, glued the fabric and most importantly, played with her afterwards!

The days are long but the years are short

2009-05-02T20:22:00.001-07:00

This post is inspired by a close friend who is also a mother and bemoans her tendancy to not live so much in the moment with her child, but rather is drawn to the future, the next milestone, etc. Her wistful thoughts reverberated within my maternal heart because I am guilty of the same. When people ask me to compare S to K, there are only vauge impressions to recall, largely due to my failing to be mindful of the present and being preoccupied with the next meal, day, week, month (also due to trauma-induced amnesia as a 1st time mom).

This good and kind friend reminded me how fleeting are these moments with our children. And I am deeply eternally grateful for the reminder. There are days when I dread the task of having to go through the morning routine for the girls - S gets her morning bath, dressed, nursed + K gets dressed (meaning I have to chase her down) and fed breakfast (more chasing down). Then I grapple with the dilemna - how to keep K occupied while I put S down for her morning nap (does your infant fall asleep on her own? then you are living my fantasy.). The options include TV, sugary snacks, or allowing her to run aimlessly rampant - all these options strike daggers of guilt into my mommy heart. By the time I put S down for her nap, I'm ready for a break! But K has been waiting all morning to have mommy all to herself. And so I just fill up my coffee mug and push myself to spend quality time with her. What has happened is that I view each day as filled with a list of duties, that if not accomplished, make me an unfit mother. And when one merely goes through the motions of doing something just to do it, and not thoughtfully and with desire, the moments of the day are bereft of joy.

Naturally during these types of days I long for a day when K and S are both not so needy. But I also understand, with a heavy heart, that when this day finally arrives, I will merely find myself longing for the days with which God has graced me now. Ugh! Tragic!

My dearest Katherine and Sophie: The most I can do is give you countless hugs and kisses each day and may there always be spontaneous and uncontrollable laughing and dancing. Your childhood is like wisps of soft smoke - I cannot hold onto it. I can only do my best to blow it in the direction that I believe is best for you - toward God, compassion, independent thinking, appreciation of beauty and good food, etc. I imagine heaven is a place where mothers can relive their children's childhood and for the first time, live fully in each and every moment. I am so utterly humbled to be the mother of two such lovely girls. J's genes must be dominant in them because they are both so entirely clever and beautiful and sweet.

Truly the days are long but the years are short. So eloquently put by this fellow mommy: http://www.theyearsareshort.com/ (yes I cried big alligator tears after watching this). My only hope is to not do anything I do for my girls begrudingly (even with that 10th diaper change or cleaning up the 10th juice spill), but to see every day through their eyes - each day as full of wonder and adventure and to share their joy in every thing. I will have no regrets if I can say, at the end of it all, that at least once every day I paused upon looking at my daughters and said to myself, "this is what matters and this is what i want to remember for all time".

First bite of solids!

2009-04-30T20:52:00.000-07:00

Afer days of S lunging at our food and salivating while watching us chow down, I finally gave in and introduced her to rice cereal (just shy of 5 months! we waited until 6 months with K due to J's family history of allergies). Of course we're all excited that S is moving on to solids. If distraction is the key to preventing meltdowns in your child (in the car, at restaurant, whenever their good behavior is critical to your sanity, etc.) then food is surely the ultimate distraction. Yay for snacks!

Art in the home and the building of an atelier (ooh la la!)

2009-04-29T05:16:00.001-07:00

Since we've decided not to send K to preschool until this fall or next (apparently I've grown comfy with the angst of raising a toddler + infant all day every day), I've been scrambling to help K ward off aimlessness and bordeom at home. I've never been completely at ease with having K watch too much TV because after an hour, she slips into zombie-mode - meaning the light behind her eyes start to dim, lethargy grips her, and brain cells visibly die off due to non-use. I normally don't allow her to watch TV for more than one hour and the TV is not otherwise on (not even for the super bowl! J still hasn't forgiven me.). It doesn't help that J's beloved flatscreen takes up more than half the living room wall - its' presence is dramatic. I wonder about those families who choose not to have TV in their homes and how they otherwise occupy their time. I imagine the children would at the very least have a dedicated art room and it would look something like this:

What child wouldn't be inspired to create, write and imagine in a space like this? More info on the breakdown of this lovely atelier can be found here:http://www.ohdeedoh.com/ohdeedoh/february-jumpstart-2009-entries/how-to-design-a-space-for-playful-learning-mariahs-february-jumpstart-project-2009-077238

I think that children who grow up in the U.S. have little or no exposure to the arts and are not taught to understand the importance of beautiful and natural quality materials (ie. not plastic) compared to their counterparts in Europe. Which is tragic because at what other point in your life do you have more liberty and natural inclination to engage in art (I've observed that young children are naturally and passionately drawn to the act of creating)? Once they embark on becoming schooled in this country, the emphasis will mostly be on rote memorization. So how precious is this time for a child to enjoy, with little inhibition, the wonders of painting, drawing, crafting, writing, etc. - in other words, being creative and expressing their unique selves!

Which is why I'm working on my own little atelier for K. Since my background in art and teaching is nonexistent and I have no natural artistic abilities to speak of, this project may very likely be abandoned in the next five minutes. Abandoned with vigor becuase I'm also contemplating the mess that will come with encouraging art in the home - crayon on the walls, paint on the furniture, oil pastels scattered throughout the house. UGH. The longer I am a mother, the more I am convinced that a full-time maid/housekeeper is the answer to everything.

My first bag and japanese loveliness

2009-04-28T04:18:00.000-07:00

For a friend's neice

And then for K. Although there was no complicated sewing involved, it took a good chunk of time for me because of all the measuring and cutting from following a pattern. Ugh, I destest measuring and cutting! Which is why I'll probably never be a great sewer (or baker). I have an aversion toward nit picky details (a lawyer's bread and butter, no less!) and following instructions to the letter. Which is why I have a stack of patterns for children's clothing on my desk that I look at with much longing but zero motivation to attempt. Do these pictures not make you melt into a pool of cuteness overload...

The japanese children's clothing books come complete with patterns but alas, no english instructions!! So will be playing it by ear. All purchased via http://www.amazon.co.jp/In-English/b?ie=UTF8&node=1094656.

Mere survival

2009-04-22T19:41:00.000-07:00

The question I am naturally asked most often since Sophie was born is "how do you do it?!" They never specify "it" but it is an upsoken understanding between moms that "it" means taking care of a 3 yr. old and infant everyday without having spiraled into clinical depression/pyschosis/obesity from all the anxiety-driven snacking. It is an ever present challenge and I have survived thus far thanks to the following emotional crutches:

1) Wine (I wish it was before noon, but alas, only in the evening)

2) Chocolate in every form (my current favorite: dark chocolate covered pretzels! oooh, and melting baking chocolate chips in a bowl to dip fruits, nuts, bread, anything...). my stash is hidden everywhere around the house so that it is never more than an arm's length away in case spontaneous tantrum/whining/general negative toddler behavior erupts.

3) Venting. To anyone who is willing to listen really, but mostly to J and empathetic girlfriends. Although J doesn't see it as venting so much as unbearably whiny complaining. He has fast become desensitized to my outbursts and is convinced I am suffering a post-postpartum depression. The vent sessions with girlfriends are awesome. The toxins are purged my soul and I am made whole again. Until the next tantrum of course.

Seriously, things are in a sad state of affairs around here. K is at a very difficult age at 3, growing increasingly willful, obstinate, demanding and unbending to either of her parent's wishes. I didn't fully understand until now how much grey area there is in parenting. When type of behavior deserves a timeout? If she refuses to eat should I allow her to starve or accomodate her picky palate? How much TV is too much? Is it ok that she plays independently while I sit here enjoying my coffee or am I guilty of child neglect and putting her squarely on the path of becoming a serial killer???? OMG, my head hurts (as well as my heart).

K's 3rd birthday: Pinwheels and Polka dots

2009-04-16T20:01:00.001-07:00

The invitation

The favors (painted with the initial of each guest)

The favors packaged

Banners!

More banners! (still mildly arthritic from cutting out a jillion triangles)

The spread (would you be surprised to know that there are very few foods that are naturally pink?)

Strawberry cupcakes with strawberry puree-cream cheese frosting

Can't have a pinwheel party without pinwheels

Polka dots galore (yes, I wrapped those chocolates with polka dot gift wrap. insanity, thy name is mommyhood)

The birthday girl blowing out some very tall candles in her birthday crown. Happy birthday K!! Can mommy take a nap now??

A day in the life

2009-04-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

Breakfast! Waffles are on the regular rotation along with oatmeal, cranberry bread with peanut butter and rainbow cheerios (nothing makes a child wake up faster than bright neon sugar coated o's)...

Playing side by side, kinda...

Always have fresh flowers in the home. Even in these tough times, it's the one luxury in which I continue to indulge. You can't have enough things to provide an emotional lift when home-bound with a toddler and infant in the dead of winter!!!

The bonding begins

2009-04-13T19:51:00.000-07:00

It's a thrill to see my two girls together. I envision the paths they will take - I cannot know how rocky or smooth they will be; only that their paths are eternally intertwined. Hurrah for sisters!

J's big 4-0!

2009-04-13T13:29:00.000-07:00

It's tramautic yet unavoidable. The day you turn 40. I try to dull the pain with braised short ribs and a good wine. And a visit from a good friend.

Christmas 2008

2009-04-13T13:19:00.000-07:00

Our first live Christmas tree! Of course 3 days after Jimmy set it up and we decorated it I found a spider in the tree and told Jimmy to take it outside and burn it. Luckily he didn't listen. He and my pospartum hormones are old friends and they have an unspoken understanding.

Sophie arrives

2009-04-12T21:08:00.000-07:00

The contractions started 4:30am the day before thanksgiving. By 7:30am I was 10 cm dialated and at the hospital. One hour and a half later, after having declined pain medication (long story short: the nurses insisted I could push a few times and have the baby in a matter of minutes rather than wait around for the anesthesiologist), and having pushed for 30 minutes with not much progression, I teetered on the brink of sanity from the pain of natural childbirth. So in I pleaded for a c-section...and lo and behold..

Sophie was weighed in at .1 less than Katherine at 6.8 lbs. Both were around 75% for weight, but 95% for head circumference (please tell me that's why I've struggled and failed to push both of them out). While it was a vague suspicion in my mind before, I am now convicted of this - I am not cut out for labor. So I'm done!

Ah, there's nothing like a hard day's work. I need a vacation.

The baby shower (the last milestone before D-day!)

2008-11-12T05:36:00.000-08:00

The spread (creme brulee french toast - can such a perfectly indulgent thing exist??)

Me looking rather shaky holding my friend's 12-week old son (apparently it's not like riding a bike).

One of the last few pics as a threesome! Ah K, you look so at peace while I tremble within.

The ladies who made it all possible. I can't tell you how desperately grateful I am to personally know more than 1 other mom the second time around.

Professional pictures - better late than never??

2008-11-12T05:10:00.000-08:00

We finally got around to having a professional photographer take some family pictures of us because 1) he offered the service for free (neighbor who needs to build his portfolio) but 2) he was more interested in snapping shots of my big belly than getting heirloom quality family shots.

These are the only pictures where he doesn't make me flash my belly. Anyway, I realized afterwards how badly we need quality professional pictures of our growing family so I will have to remember to add this to the to do list once baby #2 arrives (right after #42: brush my teeth and #43: return to the land of the living).

Baltimore marathon - done!

2008-10-16T06:00:00.000-07:00

Whew, after months of getting up at 6am to run, Jimmy finished a quarter of a marathon (as part of 4-man relay) this past weekend in Baltimore to benefit the lukemia and lymphoma society!! K could not have been happier - she thinks she's at disneyworld with all the mouse ears floating around.

Ack, what happened to summer 2008?

2008-09-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

Ever since I got pregnant with #2, my desire to blog or do anything remotely productive instantly evaporated. But 6 months without having made a single entry - I'm mortified by how lazy I've been...

...And how lazy I'm going to be by just posting pictures to sum up these past 6 months. Though I think these pictures do incomparably more than words to show how much K has grown over this summer.

The ultimate thing that inspires

2008-03-29T18:43:00.000-07:00

The last post was an expression of just one tiny moment I experience during any given day. A more accurate picture of what lies within my universe of inspirations must, by definition, include my daughter, K. All that she says and creates, a flash of a genuine smile and the grip of her hand around my finger, it is the kind of inspiration that drives one to reach beyond one's grasp - to be a kinder, more hopeful, more patient...are we not all inspired to be better people as a result of our children? And what better reason to be inspired?

The things that inspire

2008-03-29T04:29:00.000-07:00

Inspiration is one of those things that, unless it pertains to your craft (as an artist), you are not actively seeking. It is also one of those things that when I entered full-time motherhood, I desperately craved in my everyday life, most of the time unwittingly. It is wildly different for everyone, I am sure, but the daily routines of being a stay-at-home mom has the potential to numb your senses and your spirit. Breakfast, clean-up, play-time, clean-up, reading-time, snack, lunch, outdoor activity, fighting naps, a brief interlude of peace where i debate housework vs. sitting down in front of the computer, wake-up, entertain, perpare dinner, more clean-up, etc. How does one counteract the effects of predictable, daily routine? Of course there is sheer joy and awe in just being in the presence of your growing child. But when you are making the second breakast of the day because she refuses to eat anything that hints of nutritional value that morning, it is a muted joy indeed.

So imagine how great was my glee when I stumbled upon Maira Kalman last night. Never heard of Maira Kalman? Same here. But how happy to have discovered her late, than never. Words fail and can only get in the way of describing this lady. You will have to read her for yourself:

http://kalman.blogs.nytimes.com/index.php

Now I cannot get enough of her and am trying to dig up all her writings, interviews, etc. She not only inspires me, but those that inspire her inspire me! As her sources of inspiration, she lists J. Austen, Nabakov, and Sebald. Austen is my supreme source of inspiration for all things witty and strong + feminine. Nabakov - such poetry, such humor, always appropriate with a cup of tea! Sebald I have yet to discover but one of his books is now in my amazon cart.

I know there are entire blogs dedicated to those things that inspire and understandably so. What is our daily existence if it is not filled with a certain amount of whimsy, otherworldniess, sense of awe, impulsiveness driven by intuition, hungry learning, and lots and lots of wild uncontainable laughter?

One more link - her interview:
http://inspirationboards.blogspot.com/2008/03/maira-kalman.html

Daddy and daughter time

2008-03-18T03:17:00.000-07:00

What do fathers do with their daughter when the mother takes the entire day to plan/attend a baby shower? It's terrifying to contemplate but I imagine it normally involves consecutive hours of Nick Jr. (if the kid is lucky and the dad actually locates a child-related network), round the clock snacking on whatever is sitting in the pantry closet, too much juice, juice-stained clothes and of course, no nap.

I'm not sure what really happened when I had to leave to prepare for my friend's baby shower a couple weekends ago, but J provided evidence that it was not all chips and TV for the day...

Home-made sailboats! Wow, if I can't reach the heights of martha, at least J's got a shot.

How to raise the perfect child: move to the city

2008-02-26T06:21:00.001-08:00

Pastor T. Keller of Redeemer church (oh how I miss his weekly shards of brilliance on how to live the Christian life) gives his thoughts on why raising a child in the city has greater advantages than raising a child in the burbs. I nearly started packing my bags. You can find the free sermon here:
http://sermons.redeemer.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=category.display&category_id=26
Click on "it takes a city to raise a child".

His opinion on the matter holds a great deal of weight for me since he uprooted his children from the burbs to NYC and has witnessed what difference this has made in the quality of life for his children. Keller sketches the profile of the type of adult your child would likely become (all thing being equal) and honestly, that's the kind of person I myself would want to be, or befriend, or just admire from afar. Anyway, I really enjoyed listening to the city vs. burbs argument via Keller because he emphasized how living in the city can actually aid in the child's respecting a parent's Christian beliefs and adopting it themselves. Now if he could give explicit instructions on how to juggle a 20 lb. stroller and fidgety toddler down a subway stairwell and how to manage more than 1 child in a 600 sq. feet of living space, we'd be all set.

Why I never bothered to paint my walls

2008-02-06T12:08:00.000-08:00

This is Blik's new addition to their wee gallary collection. Look at those colors! And dragonflys - how can you go wrong with those happy critters on your child's walls.

I have the "sea creatures" in K's bathroom and the "sheep" in the bedroom, next to the bed. K and I both equally adore them and luckily, she hasn't shown any desire to tear them off and reposition them every day (although since they are a party of Blik's re-stick collection, no tears will be shed by me if she does).

The quality of decals really do vary. I recently bought decals from Ikea and they refused to stay on the walls, even after repeated applications of double-sided tape!! One of the happiest design developments of late is the tremendous explosion in the variety of decals out there and the widespread use of them. I would love to work with wall paper, but decals are offering me instant gratification without the commitment issues.

K's first year album

2008-02-01T17:58:00.000-08:00

One of the many good intentions that falls to the wayside as a first time mommy is the the formal documentation of your infant's first year, which is conventionally done via a scrapbook. You purchase the scrapbook, breeze through a few scrapbook magazines and even get around to printing out the 10,000 pictures of your infant (99,959 of which are not in focus because your husband's hands seems to be mysteriously perpetually trembling when taking photos of your child at the most memorable moments). But then the scrapbook gets pushed to a lonely corner of the room or is sent to the bottom of a growing pile of unread catalogs. Either way, it collects dust and is increasingly resented as every glimpse of it reminds you that you are woefully inadequate as a mommy since you can't even put together a mere scrapbook for your first born. And so the distress mounts. Until....

Enter My Publisher. I am indebted to a good friend, CH, for her having passed on this web-based photo publisher. There may be other options out there, but thanks to My Publisher, I finally put together a book that accounts of K's first year - in great quality pictures. It is the modern scrapbook, and truly suitable for those who share my lack of talent and patience in cutting, glueing and sticking.

Admittedly it still took me 10 months to finish the book online since I seem to act upon nothing unless there is a sense of urgency or impending doom. But since K's 2nd birthday is coming up, I thought it would be too shameful to dwaddle any longer. But we all know sometimes procrastination pays off big time because Costco.com is currently offering a dicsount at My Pulisher!
http://www.costco.com/PhotoCenter/PhotoCenter.aspx?cat=2781&cm_re=1_en-_-Top_Right_Nav2-_-Top_photo&lang=en-US

You can find K's album here if you want to know what took me so long:
http://www.mypublisher.com/bookstore/book_viewer.py?book_id=2123502&sp=x

(I hope this link above works but if not, let me know and I'll forward you another link)

Random pic comparisons: the holidays

2008-01-15T21:38:00.001-08:00

New Years Day 2007

New Years Day 2008

Christmas 2006

Christmas 2007

Yet another transition: the end of the era of co-sleeping

2008-01-15T20:33:00.000-08:00

Most hippie/treehugger/attachment parenting parents will rattle off two dozen reasons to justify what is warily viewed by the american society at large as co-sleeping. But one reason that didn't occur to me until earlier this week is this: It's CHEAP.

Yes, cheap as in easy on the bank account. Now that J and I have decided to transition K to her own bed (we actually decided this many moons ago but have finally overcome inertia to do it), I realize that this is an expenisve undertaking. I do worry how we will manage to eat in the next few months. Just a brief list of the buying frenzy below.

1. The mattress - the most important, the most headache. Apparently buying an organic mattress requires either a doctor's prescription or a swiss bank account. We have neither but we managed to find one that didn't require a 20-year payment plan. Considering that most organic mattresses can easily run $1000+, this was an unbelievable find:
http://www.piccolinionline.com/natp-mt30.html

2. Bedding - fun to shop for, but my credit card was wincing. The selection for modern children's bedding has really exploded as of late, with exclusive baby bedding designers like Dwell studio and Serena and Lily unveiling a collection of utterly desirable prints at corresponding steep prices. I tried quite valiantly to justify buying this:
http://dwellshop.com/b2c/ecom/ecomEnduser/default/default.aspx

or this:
http://www.serenaandlily.com/Bedding/Eve

and gasp, my heart stopped at experiencing this:
http://www.nurseryworks.net/twin_bedding_butterfly.html

In the end, I hoped K would be better served by my preserving her college funds and buying this:
http://www.kukunest.com/bedding.php?theme=aroundtheworld

I love the print (K is obsessed with the eiffel tower lately) and it's eco-friendly - how can I ask for more?

3. The bed. Ah, this is where I let go of the reigns of financial discipline and let my heart lead me down the path of desire and debt. This bed had me at hello:
http://www.designpublic.com/shop/oeuf/7655

But then my heart was divided when my eyes happened upon this:
http://www.moderntots.com/go_play/product.php?productid=16977&cat=364&page=1

And how close would I come to buying something that cost more than the annual energy supply for a small nation:
http://www.moderntots.com/go_play/product.php?productid=17151&cat=364&page=1

I haven't decided on the bed yet as this is a big investment and J is starting to look nervous. Ideally I would love to go bohemian chic and hit my local flea market to find a bed frame that i can refurbish and then upholster a headboard. But who am I kidding - at that rate K won't have a bed until 2015.
Another long night of online shopping lies ahead.

Happy New Year 2008!

2008-01-09T12:32:00.001-08:00

Update on the weaning

2008-01-08T22:25:00.000-08:00

As just punishment for my having been shamelessly sentimental about the weaning process, my boobs have decided to make my waking hours utterly miserable. That's right - classic weaning complications, complete with engorgement, plugged ducts and I think even masititis (a few days ago I had fever, chills, nausea and a desire to just lay down and never move a muscle again). At the moment, I've resorted to stuffing my bra with cabbage leaves to shut down the milk factory.

K, however, is doing well and has never looked back. Ah, c'est la vie!
http://picasaweb.google.com/susan.liew/BabyBelugaDance?authkey=pwUPFhY42yM

As in all things, this too is bittersweet

2008-01-06T20:14:00.000-08:00

It's been 5 (5!!) days since K has nursed at the ol'e boob. I daresay, she is weaned.
And where, pray tell, is my exuberance at this feat?
I thought all I wanted to be was free of nursing, especially after K's demands to nurse (and they did turn to very insistent demands) grew more infrequent and inconvenient. And if J and I were going to plan for baby #2, then the nursing would have to end as well. Which is why last Wednesday, while K and I were having grilled cheese and tomato soup at Nordstrom Cafe, I laid out the facts to her.

Me: Do you want to have a baby brother/sister with whom to play and terrorize?
K: Yes

Me: Mommy can only have baby if K stops nursing
K: (Gazing off into the distance)

Me: So we'll stop nursing from now on, Ok?
K: (Still gazing)

Me: (Starting to sweat profusely and getting nervous) Should we go to the toy store?
K: Yes

And believe it or not, K didn't demand to be nursed the entire day. And later that night, she came over to me, gave the o'le boobs a pat for good measure, giggled, and then cried on and off for about an hour until she fell asleep. I lay asleep crying far longer because the image of your first born looking at you with unhappy but trusting eyes does funny things to your emotions at 1am.
It's almost over. After 4 nights of no one in this household getting to sleep before midnight, K finally dozed off at 11pm. Which is how I came to race downstairs to record these thoughts and feelings before they pass. So much has been felt by mothers the world over with regard to this singular and miraculous bond between mother and child, exhilirating in its purity and strength. Any more I can say will surely sound trite.
Nursing K has been such a blessing. I can't count the numbers of prayers made on behalf of wanting K to latch, wanted more milk supply for K, wanting my boobs to just stop being sore for 2 seconds. And at the end of the road, K and I are so much more tightly wound together for it. (why did I add in this last bit?? you'd think i was writing an essay for college admissions. cheeeesy.)

Thanksgiving 2007

2007-12-15T20:51:00.000-08:00

A bit of a belated thanksgiving post! Our thanksgiving holiday this year was largely spent driving - to NJ, then to NYC for a day, then around NJ visiting a couple friends. We are lucky that K didn't grow sores on her tush from all that time in the car - and that I didn't hurl "Where is Spot" out the window after reading it for the 45th time.
The holidays are far more exciting now that K can get infected with our excitement! She seemingly understands that this is a time of year laced with good food, friends and family and tons of sweets. The only thing that hasn't changed since last Thanksgiving - she refuses to eat turkey, regardless of how much cranberry sauce it's hiding under.

Thanksgiving 2007 - moments before settling into a food coma

Thanksgiving 2006 - wow, look at those cheeks. What a load to carry around.

Aspirator: Tool of relief or fiendish torture?

2007-11-14T21:13:00.000-08:00

If J and I vehemently disagree about anything, it is but this: the use of the aspirator when K has a cold. J thinks all an aspirator accomplishes is in stretching out K's petite nostrils. I, on the other hand, hail the aspirator as the most important weapon in the battle against gallons of mucous congealed in K's sinuses. I don't know who's right, but I do know who suffers: K and only K. Just look at her!! Ok, this photo was taken nearly 18 months ago but that's not the point. 18 months later and I still wince when I see how helpless she is in this photo. If only babies weren't born so vulnerable. If only K could have snatched the aspirator from my grip and snapped "how'd you like to have something that's 25 times the size of your nose jammed up your nose??"
Fast forward 18 months later. K, now nearly 20 months, enduring her umpteenth cold, has finally found her voice. Today, when I neared her, aspirator in hand, she jumped and fled screaming "noooo!" And in the evening, as I was getting ready to put her down to sleep, she demanded "mama take booger out". Ah, what exuberant relief to finally be able to understand my child's wants and needs! Surely this will cut down on the amount of egregious mistakes I make as a parent. And if not, there's always psychotherapy. Just kidding!

It's beginning to look a lot like winter when...

2007-11-07T19:08:00.000-08:00

waking up in the morning, you find a pair of these at the bottom of the stairs.

K's first pair of "booties". This is her first pair since I neglected to knit K a pair of booties when she was a newborn, which is merely item #29 on the list of "Ways that I failed my newborn child because I was clueless and terrified and exhausted and did I tell you after 12 weeks I had a 90 minute commute to work, 75 minutes if I got lucky." Actually, did I ever tell you that K? Why did I do it? Why wasn't I home knitting booties??

Ah, I remember now. Because I didn't even know what booties were. Which goes to show what tremendous strides I've made in 19.5 months. Aside from my bootie revelation, I have come to notice children everywhere. Have they always been there, but just on the periphery of my single, then married-but childless, vision? Moreover, I have discovered children are refreshing, a deep long drink for a parched soul. Especially K. This will sound like gushing no matter how much I want to avoid it, but quite simply, I cannot get enough of K these days. With the exception of her refusing to eat the fifth consecutive variety of food I offer her for lunch or deliberately removing the straw out of her cup and creating an ankle-deep pool of orange juice on the floor (it's only 8am K!! mommy hasn't even brewed the coffee!!), I really have become a bit lovestruck. It must be that K's personality is finally at full bloom and thus I am entranced by all that she expresses throughout the day:

In the morning, when asking what she wants for breakfast: "Croissants at la madeline!"

After coming back from la madeline, when offering her an egg: "Eat egg on sofa!"

Throught the day: "Mama read book moon book!" (as she is obsessed with "Papa, please get the moon for me")

The hour before J gets home: "Where dada? Mama find dada!!"

No doubt with time, all the demands will eat away at my soul instead of delighting it, especially when it involves extending curfews and dating a leather-clad biker named Bubba. But for now, the days with K are a wonder to me.

The official trick or treat night

2007-11-04T18:43:00.000-08:00

The outfit

The loot

A loose interpretation of the above gesture:

Me: "Would you like your first taste of chocolate and embark on a life-long journey of being a choco-holic like your dear mum?"
K: "I dare say, that interests me not in the least. Please unburden me of these sweets and while you are at it, do pass the broccoli."

3rd wedding anniversary + K's 2nd (1st official) halloween

2007-10-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

It just happens that our wedding anniversary will eternally be the day before halloween. Not sure what chaos this will bring in the future but in 2007, we had a butterfly fluttering about this week. A butterfly disguised as K.

I actually had lofty plans to make her costume and dreamed of K adorned as a woodland fairy creature. I went so far as to make her tutu, got the pattern for her hat and shoes, and after two Saturday hours spent (wasted) on this endeavor, I gave up and went out and got the butterfly (bumblebee???) getup.

And tonight, J, K and I went out to dinner to a local French restaurant to celebrate our 3rd anniversary. K's current fixation is the Eiffel tower so she was wide-eyed for all of ten minutes. Then the food took too long and by the time it arrived, K had salted every inanimate object on the table, including my glass of Kir royale (delicious, still). J wrote me a poem and there was lobster claw meat in my mashed potatoes. Sigh, why can't it be our anniversary every other night? Happy anniversary J!!

The first pumpkin picking outing

2007-10-17T18:42:00.000-07:00

Ah, there are so many things to love about the arrival of autumn (by far my favorite season). And now that we have lovely K in our lives, there is the addition of a soon to be classic autumn activity - pumpkin picking!

It was more than a little strange picking pumpkins in October in tank tops and shorts due to the 90+ degree weather, but at least we all know about the cause of such oddity in global temperatures (we can thank Al Gore for that evidently).

I would also like to note that K has started speaking full sentences, as opposed to pointing and grunting one word. During the course of a day, K may say the following:

"Kakadoodle doo! K wake up"

"Dada go to work"

"Mama pick up K's cup"

"K eat dip dip waffles"

"Mama read hat book"

"Dada buy K rocking horse" (NO JOKE)

"K fly away or K run away" This is a recent obsession of hers. 19 months old and already she doesn't want to be seen with her mom at the mall.

Another first: The Zoo

2007-09-24T19:47:00.000-07:00

K experienced her first trip to the zoo at the national zoo in Washington DC this past weekend and had it been 10 degrees cooler, we would have all actually been comfortable. Perhaps the excessive heat was to blame for the lack of animal sightings? For the first 30 minutes, every animal exhibit we came to was devoid of any living, moving creature. But there were plenty of rocks and trees. Which is why K kept pointing and enthusiastically crying out "rock"!! Naturally, she believed we were spending the afternoon at a rock museum and was humoring us, sweet child.

Okay, admittedly these pictures are not going to win me any awards in photojournalism. But it was just too hot, I tell you!

We will probably wait awhile before our next zoo outing as K wasn't as excited as we had hoped. That and I suffered massive panic attacks at the tiger exhibit when my maternal instict to protect my offspring consumed me. Why is it that as a mom you envision every worst-case scenario in every circumstance??

Our (fleeting) return to NYC

2007-09-09T18:58:00.000-07:00

Over the labor day weekend, K, J and I went up to NYC for a little E & E (eating and eating). That was our primary goal, along with 1) getting J a decent haircut; 2) hitting up children's boutiques; and 3) seeing old friends. The haircut didn't happen, J began to complain when I dragged him to the 9th toy store in 2 days, and having brunch with old friends made us feel like we never left nyc.

We stayed in Union Square for old time's sake and during the entire weekend, the city never missed a beat. K particularly was in sensory overload - the fire engines, the fantastical toy stores, the near-perfect croissants (her favorite pastry to date) and strollers, dogs, people everywhere! Oh, and undoubtedly the very best part of the entire weekend for K was...

...pistachio and hazelnut gelato at Cones in the west village. Who knew you could buy (and eat) happiness?? Or that it came in a sugar cone?

Here are some more pics from the trip:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/80427798@N00/

Martha, you have nothing to fear from me. Your throne is secure.

2007-08-22T20:53:00.000-07:00

My first sewing machine!

Does it look like it cost $20? Yes. But does it sew? Heck yeeeeah.

The first project: A mini pillow for K's chair. Much to K's dismay, I've definitely caught the crafting bug. K is doomed to lose social acceptance if my visions of sewing all her kindergarten outfits play out.

Living for the here and now

2007-08-20T18:16:00.000-07:00

K is now 17 months and surging ahead, with no concern for the past. I, however, lurk perpetually in the past, especially on evenings such as this when I'm going through her baby albums. I am silently desperate to clasp onto those moments so tightly, hoping to keep them fresh in my memory banks for as long as I can.

As I look through K's baby pictures, I feel like I am living some of the moments for the first time. This is because, sadly, I committed the worst of parenting crimes in that I failed to live in the present for much of these moments. I remember when K was a week old, I was thinking about when we'd ever reach the 12-week mark. When she reached 12 weeks, I yearned for all the allure that the 6-month stage held (solids! yay! what did i know!). When she graduated to 6 months, I pinned all my aspirations on 10 months - surely she would walk by then (again, i knew not for what i wished). I counted the days until she turned 12 months - surely that number contained magic? And as she inched toward 14 months...I held my breath for her first non mono-word sentence.

K has grown up too fast. I miss her grunting, instead of saying "momma, up, now!". I miss the the chubbiness, the drooling, compulsion to put everything into her mouth, the fascination with pulling herself up to a standing position before she plopped down again.

I'm determined to try harder tommorow to savor every unique moment that K offers up - the teething tanturms, insistence of running around unclothed and diaperless, the need to plunge headfist into every conceivable danger. I understand now why we shouldn't live in the future - it comes much too quickly!

The first family vacation, south beach style

2007-07-03T19:50:00.000-07:00

We just returned from the "first" family vacation in South Beach, Miami (but have no j.lo glow to show for it - I guess spf 85 was a wee bit higher than neccessary). K experienced tons of "firsts": plane ride, beach sand, ocean, the pool, palm trees, seeing women running around topless, and art deco.
We actually ate everything but cuban food - the hotel was not within walking distance (in 90 degree humidity) of little havana, nor the rest of miami. So we spent most of our time on the beach, by the pool, eating at the pool restaurant and on Lincoln Road mall (which is a close approximation to being in a European city with all the euro[trash]peans lounging at the outdoor cafes chain smoking, sipping espresso and ordering a pound of bufala mozerella for dinner.)
Highlights of the trip include:

1) genius jones - a most delightful toy store!

2) ice box cafe - considered by some as home to the best cake in the u.s. after tasting the sour cream pecan coffee cake (for breakfast, might I add - aren't vacations sinfully indulgent?), we'd have to agree.

3) cafe con leche - strong cuban coffee +steamed milk + unknown and obscene quanitites of refined sugar = AH, NOW I'M BUZZED FOR THE NEXT 12 HOURS.

4) la sandwicherie - a french sandwich stand run by a group of italian men. the sandwiches were generous and fresh and packed with goodies (like a special french vinagerette).

5) friendship. we stayed in a hotel that was unfathomably spectacular due to the graciousness of j's friend. the setai lived up to the hype, but we missed out on the celebrity sightings since K's bedtime was 8pm. ah well, there's always next summer!

A few of our favorite moments...

The dog days of summer 2007

2007-06-21T19:34:00.000-07:00

I have no reasonable idea as to what the "dog days of summer" refers but it was the only summer cliche that came to mind. And the phrase does conjure up images of running through lawn sprinklers and lemonade stands so it captures the spirit of today well as today marked the momumental 1st summer popsicle!

Nothing fancy went into making the popsicle - just some pear nectar diluted with water poured into an ikea popsicle kit. But a lot of trepidation was felt immediately before introducing the popsicle to K, a 15 mo who had not quite mastered the skill of holding a rapidly melting frozen treat w/o dropping it/letting it drip/refraining from hurling it across the room. I knew that short of putting her in the bathtub, a ominous sticky wet mess loomed in the near future. The OCD in me fiercely protested. But in the end, I was only too happy to present K with her popsicle. K's eyes grew wide as she tasted the cold treat. My soul swelled with the simple joy of the moment. Oh to taste a popsicle for the first time!

Too lazy to blog

2007-06-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

I've been too lazy to blog lately. Ever since I got a library card from the local library, I've been borrowing books by the cartfuls to bring home, have them sit in a pile in the corner for three weeks untouched, accumulate a few days worth of overdue fines, and have them carted back to the library because reading books take time and time is scarce scarce scarce when there's an increasingly independent 14.5 month old in your life! K is truly coming into her own. These days, her favorite activities include:

1) Saying no
2) Still refusing to eat anything remotely healthy while saying no
3) Pulling every reachable item off the shelves at Target while I say no

Her major milestone is - ta da! - walking! Kind of. Her skill level when it comes to walking is somewhere between that of a hobbit and a graceful sumo wrestler. You'd know what I mean if you saw her in action.

Ah, the mismatched socks day. Sometimes K and I just throw caution to the wind and live life with abandon.

Here a couple more pics from the homefront to make up for the long absence...

The Mother's Day personality disorder

2007-05-14T19:20:00.000-07:00

It still feels strange to celebrate Mother's Day as both daughter and mother. I was startled when strangers wished me a "happy mother's day" when they saw me and k together on Sunday.

Me? A Mother?

Sometimes I feel like I'm merely a benevolent guardian over k. I mean, I don't knit, sew or bake - can I still be a mother? For a vacation, I'd rather take k to napa valley rather than disney world - am I still a mother? I wear dangly earings from time to time, don't shop at Ann Taylor (because I like to wear pants that don't make my butt resemble a flat pancake), and still listen to hip hop - what kind of mother am I??

I hope k understands that the cloak of traditional motherhood doesn't fit me very well but that in place of being chauferred to soccer practices in a honda pilot suv, she'll appreciate the other ways we can bond as mother and daughter. For example, playing hide and seek under the table while mommy finishes her Sunday brunch!

Space and Convenience in the Suburbs: What's it worth?

2007-04-27T20:04:00.000-07:00

In response to Christine's comments about the value of space and convenience in the suburbs...

SPACE

If you go from a 3800 sq. ft hom in the burbs to a 688 sq. ft. 1 bedroom apartment in the city with a child, you can appreciate living space. But here are a few possible reasons you may not value the extra square footage:

1) You are OCD about cleaning but tragically hate to clean (surely we can think of 1001 other things you'd rather do when your child is napping). How are you going to keep a 4 bedroom/2.5 bath home dust free for your toddler? (Obvious answer: Housekeeper. We finally found one after 3 months of searching.)

2) You are not a homebody and prefer being outside rather than being home - oops, nothing to really do outside the home in the burbs and now all that square footage going to waste...

3) You hate bugs - all bugs. But now you have a yard full of bugs. Did I mention the bees in the suburbs are 5 in. long and look demonic???? And ants...they infest every house, apt and condo. Theere are no escaping them!

4) You are up to the challenge of making the most out of space. I'm especially inspired by apartment therapy's smallest nursery contest - a 36 sq. ft nursery in a 550 sq ft apartment?? City dwellers have SO much imagination and creativity. http://nursery.apartmenttherapy.com/nursery/small-cool-2007-entries/14-owens-walkin-nursery-021563

I confess we do enjoy the 1300 sq footage we have now, compared to the walk-in closet in NYC. k has a playroom (which she rarely uses) and our "home office" is situated in our dining room with space to spare. And I'm giddy about being able to cook without using the stove top and sink as extra counter space. But I would gladly give up the extra room for the chance to step outside my door to grab a cup of coffe or walk to the park. Which leads me to the issue of convenience...

CONVENIENCE

Swimming/golf/tennis - ok, the burbs has all of these in abundance, but not within blocks of each other. More like within tens of miles of each other with a child in the back seat that does not take kindly to being chaufferred around. Theoretically, there is a starbucks on the way to gymboree class, but since stopping for coffee in the burbs entails parking, taking k out of the car seat, waiting in lines that move incredulously slow (apparently no one is in a hurry here), balancing coffee in one hand and k in the other arm (far too lazy to lug the stroller out of the trunk), and belting k back in her car seat, the coffee never happens.

I believe the city wins on the point of convience - in NYC, we were blessed to have trader joes, whole foods, garden of eden, food emporium and a farmer's market within 4 blocks of each other. And walking home from grocery shopping, I could get a pedicure, pick up a new cookbook, upgrade my wireless phone service, buy another yoga mat, get new sandals to showcase my pedicured feet and grab a croissant and cappucino good enough for the pope himself. Granted you could do some of these things at a mall, but then you have to deal with teenagers (yikes).

Urban vs. Suburban living: the most important decision. Ever.

2007-04-26T18:37:00.000-07:00

This blog entry is inspired by my friend Christine, who started her own pro/con list on the subject, which you can find here: http://www.xanga.com/christinemi. (hope you don't mind Christine for the shout out). And yes, her baby boy really is that heartbreakingly adorable (and well-heeled) in person!!

The urban vs. suburban dilemna is one that I'm struggling with myself. In the past 12 months, I moved from NYC to NJ (in a moment of fleeting insanity), only to move back to NYC (with relish), and then to move down to MD (hubby got a new job). And in that time, I've decided, heck, every fiber of my being is convicted, that the city > suburbs. Actually, more like:

NYC >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Suburbs

but I think understatement is more compelling.

Ok, so be forewarned, this pro/con list is entirely NYC-centric and I'm handicapped by a slight bias. Hope you enjoy all the same! I've organized by things that may be of importance if you have a child.

PARKS

NYC

madison square park: 2 words - Shake Shack. where else can you chow on the best burger this side of the Mississippi and drown it down with a half bottle of [good] wine (for you) and creamy vanilla custard (for the baby)? YUM-O.
central park. free shakespeare plays and symphony/opera in the park? enough said.
union square park. where else will you run into a mommy/former CEO of a fortune 100 company, the next young martin scorcese working on his first screenplay, a group of homeless men playing chess who could make kasparov cry and a dog whose designer collar cost more than your spring wardrobe?

Suburbs
No weirdos in the park, from what i've noticed. Lots of families. Breathably clean air. People even come to fish! Note: everyone fishes in the suburbs.

FOOD
Is there anything to say in defense of the burbs here? Anything at all?? Compared to the microcosm of epicurean delight that is NYC, I'd be quick to say NO.

To be fair, the burbs does have its share of non-chain eating establishments that are run by mom and pop types whose recipes date back 10 generations, use high quality ingredients and take great pride in every dish they set before you. But these are true diamonds in the rough - and there's a lot of rough in the suburbs. In other words, if you like your pasta al dente and don't care for buffets, the burbs are not for you.

On the other hand, the burbs force you into eating relatively healthy and saving tons of $$ by cooking nearly every night of the week. Unfortunately, if you haven't yet learned to cook, cooking classes aren't quite the caliber that they are in NYC so if you want to make anything other than tuna casserole, you may be out of luck.

In sum, if you like your pasta al dente and don't care for buffets, the burbs are not for you.

SHOPPING
If you share my love affair with Target, than let's give the suburbs a point or two. Most items also cost much less at the mall than at boutiques. In fact, today I went shopping for Pedipeds for k and found that Nordstrom actually sells them for less than the price posted on the Pediped website! NYC boutiques are rich in the diversity of their products but the markups are ridiculous ($32 for Robeez at Ibza Kidz?? Criminal.).

MOMMIES
NYC really has the kindest mommies. Sure after the first hello and asking how old your kid is she will turn up her nose at your non-european stroller and ask you whether the stuffed pig your baby is clutching is made of organic soy fiber (knowing full well it is not). But she will also generously pour you a glass of wine and share her secrets on how to lose that last 10 lbs of post-partum weight. J/k! I don't know any moms like this in NYC. The NYC moms I've been fortunate enough to meet are incredibly colorful, sophisticated, sweet women who are so taletned and wise. Not that suburban mom aren't the same - however I feel that urban moms have a particular infectious energy to them (perhaps due to the Starbucks on every corner?).

I think this just means I have to get out and meet more suburban moms and do away with my quick judgments. But for some disheartening reason, I have yet to secure a single playdate and my church is full of mommies! Perhaps I reek of desperation. Perhaps I reek of alcohol. But this is just confirming my belief that NYC moms are friendlier (the martini before noon probably helps the socialization along). In all seriousness, I think it's because most NYC moms realize that it's not ALL ABOUT THE BABY ALL THE TIME (will have to save this subject matter for a later post).

Ok , this will have to be a post-in-progess as it's very late and k will be rising with the sun. But before I go, perhaps it doesn't matter whether babies are raised in the city or the burbs, as only one thing really makes them happy: KA KA (crackers).

Hungry Toddler, she is not

2007-04-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

This is k's first taste of solids. at 6 months. Echhhhhhh. Poor girl - would YOU enjoy being force fed rice cereal mixed with boob milk? I'm convicted that it's because of this first ick experience that k has since eschewed solids in every shape, color, smell and consistency. My first mistake in feeding her tasteless blah rice cereal was compounded by my second ever-more grave mistake: feeding her jarred baby food. If you've ever tasted jarred baby food, you may have shared my reaction, which amounted to: yelling "what the BLEEP???" and hurling the jar with all its inconsumable contents across the room. On the spectrum of things I never want my taste buds to experience, jarred baby food falls somwhere between 3-week old elephant manure and cat piss on a bush (I don't know why a bush - I just have this image in my head).

I've been blindly and desperately perusing baby recipes, talking to other moms and spending all our disposable income at Whole Foods to get nourish k - all to no avail. K will not eat! Except cheerios and slices of american cheese, that is. She obviously (and justifiably) still harbors deep distrust and resentment over the rice cereal incident.

So this eating strike (not really a strike I guess b/c she never ate to begin with) has me losing sleep and really highlights my Type A personality because I read somewhere that the greatest nutritional deficiency in toddlers is iron. Iron deficiency is dangerous because it leads to slower brain development as iron helps make red blood cells, which carry oxygen to the brain. Insufficient levels of iron in children has even been linked to ADHD. Apparently millions of children are deficient in iron and the parents don't have a clue because the symptons are not always apparent.

Not that I need to give you another thing to worry about...at least this means we should be indulging in more steak dinners.

The precious moments where k really throws it down and makes Hungry Momma proud.

Pop Quiz

2007-04-11T19:29:00.000-07:00

How often do you wonder what type of mother you are/will be? This seemingly complex and tremendously important matter can easily be resolved by contemplating the following scenario:

Your nearly 13 month old toddler refuses to take her regular afternoon nap (which affords you time to eat/nap/email/do windsor pilates). You do which one of the following in response:

a) Lovingly hold and coddle her for as long as it takes for her to nap.
b) Let her skip the afternoon nap and go about your daily routine, which includes playing peek-a-boo 10 times 10 to the power of infinity.
c) Plunk her down in front of the Wiggles and make yourself a double scotch, straight up.

Yup, K missed her afternoon nap today, which in a SAHM's world is the equivalent of having a bad hair day on the morning of your senior prom, after your dream date calls to say he's in the emergency room with food poisoning. And there is a meteor-sized zit in that space betwen your eyes.
Needless to say, we all survived this episode of missed-nap (there wasn't a drop of scotch to be found in the house but I did scrounge up some dark chocolate). It is my firm belief that toddlers come closest to their angelic origins when they are fast asleep, as the evidence clearly shows...

The Easter dress

2007-04-09T19:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was K's second Easter, but as she was 3 weeks old for her first Easter and those days were a complete blur, we celebrated her "first" Easter this past Sunday. We know Easter is not about toxic egg dyes and grown men in bunny suits at the mall. It's not even about having your eyes assaulted with too much pastel color. It's about one thing and one thing only: the Easter dress.*

Those pigtails stayed in a record 59 minutes. It was a special day indeed.

*Ha, just kidding. I'm not a heathen, really.

Another cold!

2007-04-07T19:18:00.000-07:00

K has another cold. This makes it her 3rd in 12.5 months (children normally average 8-10 per year but of course k was quarantined from germ-ridden society most of her newborn life). And what does k get to do when she's sniffling and sneezing? Dang near anything she pleases. Which means...we play the fabulous spoon-the-cheerios game!

K is, as of late, fascinated with spoons and the concept of spooning. And what's more fun to spoon than a godzilla-sized jar of cheerios?

When does all the wild and zany fun end, you ask? Of course when the inevitable happens...

For anyone who's wondering, that's k's "you know you had it comin, mama" look.

Does she walk yet?

2007-04-02T05:08:00.000-07:00

This the most popular inquiry these days by strangers and friends, now that she is hovering around the 12-month mark. And I normally reply, with a sigh of relief: "Nope!" Relieved because a walking toddler doesn't fit well into my generally lazy parenting scheme. Imagine having to shadow k everywhere at every waking moment! But as you can see from pics, the time is soon at hand...

Plastic sucks, part II

2007-03-30T07:36:00.000-07:00

Not that I needed any more research reports to convict me of the evils of plastic, but there is another recent comprehensive report substantiating my paranoia:
http://www.environmentcalifornia.org/uploads/Ve/AQ/VeAQsr6MMu4xA3-2ibnr_g/Toxic-Baby-Bottles.pdf

The above study shows that every major baby bottle on the market was tested for the culprit Bisphenol-A, which is well established as a cause of cancer, impaired brain development, immune system issues, obesity, diabetes, early onset of puberty - in short, BpA is a particularly harmful toxin. And as the study concludes in their testing, every baby bottle tested contained BpA and it leached into [insert your baby]'s milk when the bottle was heated or washed with a harsh detergent! Argh!!!

That's the bad news. There is no good news, but an interesting angle on this is that at least now we have a very credible piece to the puzzle of why such an alarming number of children in the U.S. these days suffer from allergies, obesity, early puberty, etc.

A more uplifting post to come, I promise.

K's 1st birthday she-bang

2007-03-28T11:52:00.000-07:00

This is a much belated post but here it is, pics from K's 1st birthday party and a list thrown together of a few life lessons learned the hard way.
lesson #1 - crafting the invite list: leave kids off the guest list at all costs. the presence of kids in your home guarantee spills, food on the floor, vomit, noise at decibels similar to a cargo plane operating at full throttle, and otherwise unmitigated chaos. i used m&ms to bribe them to behave but then one of them started puking on the floor - a m&m overdose i suspect!

lesson #2 - time management: if it's daylight savings time, then remember to change the clocks the night before. otherwise you will find yourself standing by the oven the morning of the party trying to calculate when to heat up the pastry hors d'oeuvres and it will dawn on you that you should have put them in the oven 60 minutes ago because you forgot to change the clocks, the guests are actually arriving in 15 minutes, the baby is still in her pajamas (as are you) and now you have a nervous breakdown.

lesson #3 - the law of putting things in the freezer and forgetting about it: never put a champagne bottle in the freezer and swear you won't forget about it because you will close the freezer and immediately forget about it. that is, until 9 hrs. later when you remember and open the freezer, only to see a mess of slush and broken glass. which leads me to lesson #3.25: never try to lick up champagne slush.

lesson #4 - public floggings: there is nothing wrong with subjecting guests who willfully and recklessly neglect to RSVP and show up at the party anyway, to a public flogging. it is without a doubt a most appropriate response by the hostess toward a guest who failed to give notice about attending the party with their spouse, 2 screaming toddlers and one cat (ok, maybe there was no cat). flogging is recommended because it is more humane than stoning and minimizes damage to your home (as we all know, hardwood floors are a pain to keep scratch-free as it is).

I'm sure there are plenty I forgot and am now doomed to repeat my mistakes. And no, I didn't bake cupcakes for k's party. The mountain of strawberry cheesecake frosting went unused because I ran out of time to bake the actual cupcake. I did bake one on k's actual birthday because I hate hate hate to bake and that's how much I love my little girl (if i can't feel a little smug on my daughter's birthday, then when?)

American plastic, you suck

2007-02-16T11:40:00.000-08:00

So now that the universe of things about which I need be concerned (ie. tommorow's outfit for the office, how to brave the subway w/ a stroller) has shrunk dramatically, my mind has intensified its preoccupation on what few things remain. And when a 1st time mom intensifies her preoccupation with something, it ain't pretty folks. That's right - it's the N word.
Neurosis.
Currently, I suffer from a full-blown case of neurosis with regard to all things PLASTIC. As of some 72 hours ago, I came across a credible report citing research studies showing that most baby toys, teethers, and bottles on the market are made of plastic that contain harmful toxins. I over-slept through most of Chem 101 so I can't pronounce half the toxins that I'm supposed to guard against, but here's a link with coherent info and a rundown on the good and bad of plastic used in baby goods: http://www.checnet.org/HealtheHouse/education/articles-detail.asp?Main_ID=333.

It's worth noting that the U.S. is unique in it's present day use of the bad plastic to make baby toys and products, as the EU banned such use recently. So not only are European toys more attractive in design, they're actually better for babies! This fact and my growing anxiety over American farmers + cattle ranchers use of hormones and other naughty stuff (save for another post) makes me want to spend time in Europe/Asia until k is clearly is out of the danger zone (puberty?).

Here's k playing with a lovely non-plastic push toy and happily supporting her mother's neurosis. Atta girl.

Laundry basket = new toy

2007-02-13T19:03:00.000-08:00

Why do we continue to buy toys for baby k when she obviously prefers our spatula, doorstopper - and now the laundry basket - as her playthings? The crawl in and then crawl out of the basket game kept K entertained by the time I folded all the linens but she was losing steam as I got to pairing the socks . Another glamorous morning in the 'burbs! NYC, eat your heart out.